No one tells you how boring cancer is.

Books, movies, and the media leave this part out of the cancer-hero story. Yes, we are superbrave. Yes, we are fighting for our lives. Yes, we are great examples of how to push forward in the face of overwhelming odds (especially us ovarian gals).

But we’re also pretty bored.

First We Wait, Then We Wait Some More

There’s so much waiting! Waiting for appointments to be scheduled. Waiting to be called in to see the doctor. Waiting for the results of whichever test or scan we have that week. During chemotherapy, we wait for the bags to slowly empty into our veins.

After chemo, we wait, sometimes on the bathroom floor, for the pain and nausea to pass. We wait for our strength to return after a treatment cycle or surgery. We brace ourselves in our painful present and wait for a better tomorrow.

Not only is there a lot of waiting, but there isn’t much we can do while we wait. We are put through treatment regimens that leave us exhausted, nauseated, sore, aching, and cranky. I was left nearly incapacitated at times, but not so incapacitated that I was able to sleep my way through the roughest parts.

I was in a state of suspended animation, unable to do much to keep myself occupied but unable to fully check out of the moment. It’s hard to read or concentrate on anything when it feels like your bones are screaming.

“We brace ourselves in our painful present and wait for a better tomorrow.”

I, for one, had no idea what bone pain could feel like until I did carboplatin-Taxol. Holy hell, bones can scream. What do you do when your skeleton wants to escape? Not much.

Fill the Downtime With Distraction

I had no experience with cancer or the process of treatment outside of a cheesy feel-good movie. I don’t need to tell you, this is no feel-good movie. There is so much downtime, and it’s not always the kind you’d want.

Sometimes, downtime is spent trying to position yourself just right to ease some of your pain. Sometimes, it’s spent with your forehead pushed up against the cool porcelain of the toilet, waiting for your Zofran to kick in. No joke, stay on top of that.

There’s so much downtime that can’t be filled with anything fun or productive because of the state you’re in. Enter reality TV. Thank God for reality TV.

“What do you do when your skeleton wants to escape? Not much.”

Whether it’s your favorite flavor of “Housewives,” “The Kardashians,” “Top Chef,” “Survivor,” “Chopped,” or whatever, it’s just enough to distract you without making you follow a real storyline.

There’s almost no character development, which helps when trying to avoid emotional investment. It’s great. It’s trash, and it’s noise, and it works.

Be Present Later, When It Counts

Let me be clear: This time spent watching BS TV or scrolling on your phone for hours isn’t wasted. We are doing the important work of getting the hell out of “the moment.”

Being present in life is not always a luxury we can afford. We need to disengage and dissociate to make it through. Press fast-forward. Be present when the present doesn’t have you surfing waves of nausea.

“You can save up all the 'present' you missed while feeling awful and really throw yourself into it when life feels delicious and kind and gentle and fun.”

You can save up all the “present” you missed while feeling awful and really throw yourself into it when life feels delicious and kind and gentle and fun.

Save your awareness of the moment for your family and friends. Cancer doesn’t deserve it.

MyOvarianCancerTeam members discuss ovarian cancer from a specific point of view. Members’ articles don’t reflect the opinions of MyOvarianCancerTeam staff, medical experts, partners, advertisers, or sponsors. MyOvarianCancerTeam content isn’t intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.